What the f$!# did I just do? I quit a good paying job to do what? Hmmm not sure yet, oops, everything you read and everything people tell you is to have a job before quitting your job….excuse me but I have a super cute bulldog pawing at me who obviously needs more attention!
Okay, where was I? Well on a tangent of a tangent, a good coping tool is to be easily distracted by things that make you happy, ie. a super cute bulldogge named Georgia.
Number one, have another job, or source of income before you quit your job. So… this venture seems like it’s off to a rocky start. Luckily that last few years have been rocky working in a job that made me miserable, hmm who would have thought I would think that was lucky!?
So back to the task at hand, money, why does everything always come down to money? Gah, life is so frustrating, I am feeling so down on myself today. Here is the picture, I have not been at work as a public health inspector since November 2016 and I officially resigned April 22, 2017. Something inside of me has changed, I was tired of enforcing things I didn’t always agree with and just all of the bullshit that is involved in a job, we all know it; the backstabbing, the incompetent people who always seem to have power over you, the getting up and doing something that you just don’t believe in anymore. If you haven’t feel thankful and tell your employer! It didn’t help that I allowed myself to be run ragged for the last three years. I have some perfectionist tendencies (as I write this I can hear my partner scoffing :-)), okay I like to do things right, or what I perceive to be right, I like lists and checking things off, so long as I can get everything done.
Unfortunately the more work that I did the more I received and at some point I gave up. I was exhausted all the time and felt like I was doggy paddling in lake, water splashing up over my head all of the time. I got tired of the work that I didn’t understand the reason why behind it (I call it “make work projects”). I didn’t feel I had enough time to do the job the way the public deserves it to be done. I worked at it for 9 years straight, and I had planned on working there until retirement but it started to feel like a death sentence. I suffered from depression and anxiety, got asthma (weird I know, I was a runner) and gained weight. Which brings me to today, the beginning of the rest of my life.
So what is my dream job?!? I have no idea, I like dogs, being outside and being active, and I hate bullshit, I want to do something real. What if I don’t have a dream job?! What if I just don’t want to work, this scares this shit out of me, I’m 34, have bills to pay and two dogs to care for, not to mention an entire life ahead of me. Here I am what if I just don’t want to work, so now I have to win the lottery, great plan Shannon! Excuse me while I hyperventilate.
You know what gives me comfort, is looking at the jobs that are available in the area, don’t get me wrong they aren’t good jobs, relative to my old job, but they pay money, which is all that matters for now. I am so tempted to apply, or beg for some of these jobs, which seems really counter intuitive to all the reasons why I quit my job in the first place.
One thing is true I am in the drivers seat! It is hard for me to swallow my pride and realize that I may fall on my face, and I’m sure there will be people out there who will be waiting for it. I quit because I felt there was more to life and bigger or better things out there, the only person who is in the way of that now is me.