Overwhelmed is the word I’m looking for today :-(. The holiday was a nice distraction but now that I’m home i can’t help but feel the old insecurities creeping in and trying to suffocate me, scare me into going back into my protective shell. I’m pretty sure I blew the shell to smithereens though!
My mind keeps swirling with where to start, what to do and how to move forward but I can’t seem to hold on to anything. Part of me says holy crap what are you doing, you did this so your life would have more purpose, why does it feels like you have less now. The other part of me wants to somehow step into the eye of the storm and into some magical calm space where I can slow everything down and make rational decisions. I want to focus on this magical calm space….because it just came out while I was writing.
For me a number of things comes to mind, Eckart Tolle is the first one, he wrote the amazing book A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, I haven’t read it in a couple of years but one thing that I remember and use is the practice of asking yourself if you have anything to worry about in this very moment, by only focusing on the moment you are in you can live in the present. I am definitely taking it to bed with me tonight.
When I practice asking myself this question, the answer is almost always no, everything that my mind is trying to say I have to worry about is garbage. I think I will read this book again, I remember getting so much out of it, I read it like I had to do a book report on it, I made notes, higlighted things, I didn’t want to miss anything. The book was so simple and yet so deep that I bought his first book The Power of Now, I started reading it but never finished it, I will have to put it on my list of books to read!
Funny how this post turned into a book review on Eckhart Tolle! Totally worth checking him out if you are interested in mindfulness. I also want to point out that when I started writing this post I felt like losing my sh#t a lot of times this am (its only 10:15) and I feel much more calm and relaxed. It is amazing how writing down your thoughts and feelings can provide clarity and mental relaxation.
So back to my life where to start first, I have a ton of projects on the go either in reality or mentally in my head! As I mentioned I like lists:
*-Finish moving into the closet
*-remove wallpaper in bedroom
-put up wallpaper and finish trim in bedroom
-make barn door for closet
-put up fence for front yard
*-inquire about renovating garage into bachelor apt
*-finish insulating yurt and start canvas(we want to camp next weekend)
-cut grass/tidy yards/flower beds
-remove flower bed in back yard and plant grass
-fix flower bed at the side
-make body lotion
-make dog food
-batch cook food and freeze
I used an * for the items that will provide me the most bang for my buck, or the ones that are most urgent.
I also have general life things to do such as clean the freaking house! Clutter makes me less productive, something I learned from Gretchen Rubin.
I don’t know why, but when the house is clean I can think more clearly, it’s like the clutter around the house some how clutters my mind. Groceries are also a must here! We have been away and have been eating out since we got home, which is not cheap. Therefore I must make a meal plan and a grocery list and go out and get it. We ate like crap last week and I am craving smoothies, salads and non-processed foods this week.
Part of my plan to not have a job is to spend less money as well, by meal planning and buying healthy food, batch cooking and freezing we can save money and help out our waistlines! Which is also why making dog food and body lotion comes into my list. Dog food is expensive and I don’t think it is that good for dogs so I have seen some recipes on Pinterest that I want to try out.
The same goes for body lotion, I have recently started making my own cleaning solution and face lotion, I am out of body lotion and I have a recipe I want to try. I made my own face lotion out of beeswax, argan oil, almond oil and aloe vera gel, you can find the recipe from Sweet Anne Designs
I didn’t get the emulsification right so some of the aloe vera gel didn’t mix in, but it still works, and it has lasted a long time, I made it at the start of March and I still have a cup left, I keep it in the fridge.
I got all the ingredients locally from Lawson’s in downtown Owen Sound. This is a great place to go, the owners and staff are very knowledgeable and will spend the time with you to get what you need.
Making your own stuff is actually very cheap, once you buy all of the carrier oils and things you need you might spend $200 but you will get many great healthy skincare products out of it. Have a look at what is in your body lotion and see if you can pronounce everything, they put so many preservatives in things that I want to try and make my own whenever possible. It usually turns out to be super cheap too!
Look at this I just rambled on and now I feel better! I have a plan for today I will make a meal plan and grocery list, get groceries, make body lotion, and finish moving into my closet. This seems manageable for today. Aaron just woke up and now I think maybe I should avoid him too, GAHH
Okay here is the thing, if anyone read my bucket list for 2017, which i secretly hope you didn’t, because I put on about quitting smoking, well I am almost 24 hours smoke free and I want to rage. I am embarrassed about smoking so it is hard for me to write about it. I was thinking about getting the patch or the inhaler but I read an article on it that made me decide to go cold turkey. It takes 3 days for the nicotine to get out of your system, when you use nicotine replacement therapy you are just delaying the inevitable. Because I have only been smoking for 6 weeks I decided to go through the 3 days of hell right off the hop. I feel bad for Aaron because he is on holidays this week and will be around, and is already annoying me! Hope he doesn’t read this! 😉
I want to say thank you to everyone who has read or shared my blog on Facebook. I am on day 12 of the 30 day blog challenge and I’m starting to understand why blogging is so popular, it really is therapeutic. So thanks people for being out there and being supportive! I feel blessed xoxo